i ain't missing you at all

"I ain't missin' you
No matter what my friends say"

you make me so happy. I don't know what to act on. I do not trust the things you tell me but lately your actions have spoken volumes. I just have to trust God. I pray every day to understand His plan. You were put in my life for a reason and I can't wait to know why. so just get home safe soon cause I want to see what happens. You intrigue me and i can't help myself from being interested in you. even though there are hundreds of reasons i should not pursue this, you might be worth it. later though not now.

timing is always everything
and for now i just need a snuggle buddy

"I hear your name in certain circles
And it always makes me smile"

i hope you all are having a safe and wonderful trip. please come home having grown closer to each other not farther. I do not enjoy the separation between all of my good friends.

lastly, thank you for all of the amazing people you have put in my life this summer. they have all had a part in changing me for the better and i hope they know my love for them even though i have known them for a short while.
while i may not want to grow up, i do like learning new things as i age

Love To Love Me Back

Finally.
I never expected God to excite me in this manner. But man how giddy I have become. I wait for more. Expecting nothing, but hoping for a grand miracle. The kind of miracle that happens when two people love each other the same way at the same time.
There is nothing I need to happen. I just enjoy feeling this way. If this ends tomorrow I will no doubt be disappointed but I will look back and be thankful for how awake I have become to life.
please God. Let me be open to new experiences, let me forget caution and live in the moment. Reveling in the amazing world you have created where beings can care so deeply for one another.
show me what you have planned. whether it be him or just thanking him for all he has engaged me to feel.


this summer has been a great beginning to a different year.

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle

I don't want to grow up.
Or rather I am not ready to act my age. This is why I have always been friends with people younger than me. That way when they are finally old enough to be experiencing things I might be ready to experience them myself.
These next few years will not be the easiest.
Will I revert back and avoid growing up by finding younger friends. possibly losing the others? It is the easiest way out but i don't Want that to happen.
People are asking how things will change. Only time will tell. While i am hopeful things will work out, i can't help but feel that it may just explode in front of my eyes.

On another note:
I cannot remember the last time I have been truly excited. The giddy, nonstop smile, and bouncy nature that takes over when there is a big event or a new crush.
Its like when you're sick and you can't remember what it was like to be that sick. I can't remember how it feels to be so joyous.
I miss that feeling.
I think... I need something to be elated about.

i need to be awoken to something bigger than me.

Quarter life

Tonight the banger sisters was on vh1.
While watching it I couldn't help but wonder by being a good kid all of my life what will happen to me when I grow up?
I am far from perfect, but I have been trying to live my life so that one day when I have kids I won't be a hypocrite when asking them to have lives similar to my own. Where I am left in this situation?
Damned if I do typical young adult activities and possible regret if I don't.
I like the fact I am not a Stereotypical college student. there are Reasons I don't participate in activities
that goes beyond laws and rules or even morals


I have no idea why I turned out this Way. i am proud that i Did but i have no explanation as to why this happened to me.
at least not Yet
I am envious of those who can just act. spontaneously and decisively
i am In my head, always. its like i cant escape, im trapped behind a wall and i have no tools to break it down.
I think i am suppose to find someone to help me with it... but who?
only time will tell. at least i Hope time Will tell


I felt i had my life together, it looks like i do. i had arranged the cards of my life nicely in order by suit
in Reality the cards have been thrown and now...
i'm playing 52 pickup.

first edition

i have no clue what i'm doing. on many levels.